Label Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap,”
(and that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(but, it’s “just” a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.”
(well…duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought...?)

On packaging for a Rowena iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”
(but wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(and…I’m taking this because....???)

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(as opposed to…what?)

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: maybe, ooh…go to the bathroom?)

On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Oh my...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity.